Greetings readers.
For a few years now, Martin and I have declared war on the heathens and fought in support of True Christians. However, there are many well-meaning people who want to serve Christ, but are, in fact, heathens. Are you a closet heathen? There’s only one way to tell. Read the following list of questions:
Are you a Darwinist? Do you believe in evilution, the big bang, and zoo-to goo-to you fairy tales? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Are you an atheist, agnostic, or otherwise uncertain about God’s existence? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a God mocker, a God doubter, or a God-denier? If yes, then YOU are a heathen. And remember. God mockers are double damned!
Do you support the works of Adolf Hitler, Karl Marx, Charles Darwin, or Sigmund Freud? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a Muslim, Islamist, or other form of turban toting terrorist? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a Buddhist, Shintoist, pastafarian, Hindu, Wiccan, pagan, or druid? If yes, then YOU are clearly a heathen and will be tortured by many demons in Hell unless you repent.
Are you an abortionist? Do you believe that it is ok to chop up dead babies (murdered by abortion doctors) and use their chopped up parts for medical experiments like Hitler did in Auschwitz with Jewish babies? Then YOU are a heathen!
Are you saying “happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas?” Then YOU are a heathen. Remember that the war on Christmas will be won by Christians ultimately. Why? Because Jesus.
Are you a Roman Catholic? Then YOU are a heathen. Everybody knows that the Catholics worship “saints” and are basically pagan.
Are you a Star Wars fan or a Trekkie? If so, then YOU are a heathen!
Do you believe in an old Earth? Do you believe in the man-made myth of millions of years? Then YOU are a heathen, and it’s heathens like you that are responsible for Kent Hovind’s wrongful imprisonment. Shame on you!
Are you a fan of Harry Potter? Then YOU are a heathen! Witchcraft is of Satan!
Are you a fan of Rock and Roll, Hip Hop, Jazz, Blues, Dubstep, R&B, Rap, Metal, or other ungodly forms of music? Then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a Mormon, a Jehovahs Witness, or another form of False Christian? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a homosexual, a bisexual, or a homosexual or bisexual enabler? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Do you believe in the Jurassic Park? Then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a paleontologist, an biologist, an immunologist, a geologist, a botanist, or any other form of scientist who uses your work to support Darwin? Then YOU are a heathen!
Do you put money before God? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a Demoncrat? Do you believe in gun control, abortion, gay rights, or the liberation of women? Then YOU are a heathen!
Do you believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or other atheistic forms of mind control created to target children? Do you support the spreading of these man-made myths? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Do you believe in the Crocoduck but not in Jesus? If so, then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a fornicator, a luster, an adulterer, a masturbator, or somebody who looks at dirty pictures? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Do you continue to live in sin because you believe Jesus will forgive you anyway? Then YOU are a heathen, because every sin you commit adds to the tortures Jesus experienced at Golgotha when He was crucified for our sins.
Do you listen to Michael Jackson? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Are you a fan of H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allen Poe, or other ungodly fiction writers? If yes, then YOU are clearly a heathen!
Do you engage in the time warp, elbow sex, or other ungodly acts related to the Rocky Horror Satan Show? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Do you engage in video games, books, movies, or tv shows that are non-Christian in nature? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!
Do you believe in aliens or other stupid things? If yes, then YOU are a heathen.
Do you believe that aliens built the pyramids? If yes, then YOU are a heathen, and also a fool.
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