Are you a Heathen?

Greetings readers.

For a few years now, Martin and I have declared war on the heathens and fought in support of True Christians.  However, there are many well-meaning people who want to serve Christ, but are, in fact, heathens.  Are you a closet heathen? There’s only one way to tell. Read the following list of questions:

Are you a Darwinist? Do you believe in evilution, the big bang, and zoo-to goo-to you fairy tales? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Are you an atheist, agnostic, or otherwise uncertain about God’s existence? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a God mocker, a God doubter, or a God-denier? If yes, then YOU are a heathen. And remember. God mockers are double damned!

Do you support the works of Adolf Hitler, Karl Marx, Charles Darwin, or Sigmund Freud? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a Muslim, Islamist, or other form of turban toting terrorist? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a Buddhist, Shintoist, pastafarian, Hindu, Wiccan, pagan, or druid? If yes, then YOU are clearly a heathen and will be tortured by many demons in Hell unless you repent.

Are you an abortionist? Do you believe that it is ok to chop up dead babies (murdered by abortion doctors) and use their chopped up parts for medical experiments like Hitler did in Auschwitz with Jewish babies? Then YOU are a heathen!

Are you saying “happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas?”  Then YOU are a heathen.  Remember that the war on Christmas will be won by Christians ultimately. Why? Because Jesus.

Are you a Roman Catholic? Then YOU are a heathen. Everybody knows that the Catholics worship “saints” and are basically pagan.

Are you a Star Wars fan or a Trekkie? If so, then YOU are a heathen!

Do you believe in an old Earth? Do you believe in the man-made myth of millions of years? Then YOU are a heathen, and it’s heathens like you that are responsible for Kent Hovind’s wrongful imprisonment. Shame on you!

Are you a fan of Harry Potter? Then YOU are a heathen! Witchcraft is of Satan!

Are you a fan of Rock and Roll, Hip Hop, Jazz, Blues, Dubstep, R&B, Rap, Metal, or other ungodly forms of music? Then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a Mormon, a Jehovahs Witness, or another form of False Christian? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a homosexual, a bisexual, or a homosexual or bisexual enabler? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Do you believe in the Jurassic Park? Then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a paleontologist, an biologist, an immunologist, a geologist, a botanist, or any other form of scientist who uses your work to support Darwin? Then YOU are a heathen!

Do you put money before God? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a Demoncrat? Do you believe in gun control, abortion, gay rights, or the liberation of women? Then YOU are a heathen!

Do you believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or other atheistic forms of mind control created to target children? Do you support the spreading of these man-made myths? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Do you believe in the Crocoduck but not in Jesus? If so, then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a fornicator, a luster, an adulterer, a masturbator, or somebody who looks at dirty pictures? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Do you continue to live in sin because you believe Jesus will forgive you anyway? Then YOU are a heathen, because every sin you commit adds to the tortures Jesus experienced at Golgotha when He was crucified for our sins.

Do you listen to Michael Jackson? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Are you a fan of H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allen Poe, or other ungodly fiction writers? If yes, then YOU are clearly a heathen!

Do you engage in the time warp, elbow sex, or other ungodly acts related to the Rocky Horror Satan Show? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Do you engage in video games, books, movies, or tv shows that are non-Christian in nature? If yes, then YOU are a heathen!

Do you believe in aliens or other stupid things? If yes, then YOU are a heathen.

Do you believe that aliens built the pyramids? If yes, then YOU are a heathen, and also a fool.

Do you believe that the Pyramids were built for storing grain? If YOU, then you are a heathen.
Do you gamble, use drugs, or indulge in orgiastic overindulgence of alcohol? If yes, then YOU are a heathen.
Are you born again in Christ? Have you dedicated your entire life to the Lord? Does Jesus own your heart, mind, body, and soul? If no, then YOU are a heathen.
If you are a heathen, then you are headed to Hell, where you will be tortured and burned for all eternity. Repent or burn in hell, heathens.
I will be praying for you.
Jim Solouki

32 thoughts on “Are you a Heathen?

  1. Martin Baker says:

    Amen Jim. We need to be prepared to fight the heathens who are working every day to take this nation away from Christ.

  2. P.C.Miller says:

    I don’t watch mainstream and non-christian things, I don’t do heathen things like Martin showed that anything that can turn me into a heathen. I never do any heathen thing, I am a born again True Christian.

  3. This is completely ridiculous. I am an Anglo-Catholic. I venerate saints like numerous church fathers of the past who stood for Jesus and the orthodox faith of the Church. Who defended the Trinity. I do affirm evolution as I see no contradiction between this and my faith. Some church fathers were fairly convinced of a younger Earth and some believed Genesis to be more of an allegory. There was never an interpretation that was made officially orthodox by any council though. Am I a heathen? NO!

    • The veneration of saints is satanic because it takes glory away from God. Evolution is satanic because it contradicts Genesis (and it’s wrong, great scientists like Ken Ham and Kent Hovind have consistently shown Darwinism to be false). You aree clearly a heathen unfortunately. I will be praying for you.

      • “The veneration of saints is satanic because it takes glory away from God.”
        False–the veneration of saints celebrates the work that God has done through the life of the saint and the dedication to God the saint had during his own life-time on Earth. Thus, when a saint is venerated, GREATER is the praise toward God. The Church is a community of those striving toward saint-hood!

        “Evolution is satanic because it contradicts Genesis (and it’s wrong, great scientists like Ken Ham and Kent Hovind have consistently shown Darwinism to be false).”
        False. It contradicts the particular young earth creationist view of Genesis of the world being created in seven 24 hour periods which accurate science has demonstrated to be false. But St. Augustine notes that we have no way of knowing exactly how long one day as described in the book of Genesis really is. Thus, it is not in conflict with the book of Genesis but only a hyper-literalist reading of the book of Genesis which I do not hold and has never been a required belief of the Church’s. Ken Ham and Kent Hovind have used lies and falsehoods in a desperate attempt to prove evolution false. They will be headed for Hell if they do not repent.

      • Why worship Saints when you can worship God thouigh? That’s just wrong. Evolution is a lie created by Satan, and the Creation Scientists have proved that the young earth does work. Don’t you dare call Hovind a liar. Kent Hovind is a goodd man and a soldier of Christ. The Darwinists have engaged in a smear campaign against him, Ham, and other Creationists because they cannot defeat them using traditionally scientific methods, becausee evolution is not science, it is a myth!

      • Venerating the saints is an act of worshiping God and the acts that he has done through the saint. As the saints are part of the body of Christ and Christ is God, venerating the saints worships God himself and shows a greater connection of the believer to the body of Christ. If you do not venerate saints, you are failing to show full worship of God and are committing idolatry.

        “Kent Hovind is a goodd man and a soldier of Christ. The Darwinists have engaged in a smear campaign against him,”
        Wrong–he cannot combat them with true science and has been proven falsified!

  4. I don’t understand how you can call yourselves true christians and still be hostile toward the Catholic Church which was founded by Jesus himself.

    • Sorry, but it was actually the Mormon church he founded. We are a fully restored continuation of the primitive church established by Christ, and of the religion practiced since the dawn of time. There was prophesied to be a falling away in the Bible, and because of that prophecy Peter could not have handed down priesthood keys while he was on earth. The Catholic Church rose from that falling away, when Paul taught the Romans Christianity and they apostatized. I might add that you are a member of a breakoff of that faith, not the original.

    • Oh yeah, and welcome back

    • P says:

      I don’t understand how they claim to be Christian at all. They constantly despise others with extreme prejudice, condemn others for not being as hateful and ignorant, and depict God as extremely wrathful, hateful, sadistic and hardly ever loving. Like that’s a good thing. That’s not what I was taught at all. Their religion seems to be more about fear and hate rather than love and kindness.

  5. Joe says:

    Thank the grave of Carl Sagan! I was a bit nervous that I wouldn’t qualify!

  6. Why would believing that the pyramids were built for storing grain make you a heathen? That is a very biblical idea. False, but it fits the story of Joseph.

  7. Finally, you are remotely considerate in calling every single person different from you in any way a heathen.

  8. I got 21 heathen points. How about you guys

  9. jrj1701 says:

    Kent Hovind was a criminal that evaded paying his taxes and thus departed from Christ’s teachings, unless he confesses and repents he will suffer the same fate that you will suffer for your harsh judgements of others. Remove the plank from your eye before trying to remove the mote from others eyes. BTW would you call a Orthodox Christian a heathen? Do you consider them the same as Roman Catholics?

  10. Colten says:

    You do realize that some of things that you listed here are purely entertainment? For example, dubstep is pure entertainment. It is electronic music and is in no way harming the word of God. I use dubstep to get me upbeat and energized. Star Wars is just a movie, which isn’t harming Jesus. It’s not like I strive to be a Jedi or pretend to use the Force every day. Playing video games is just pure entertainment. It’s not like playing Smite will convince me that the Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Chinese, Mayan, etc. gods are real. I play it because it is a fun game and I like learning about myths (Key word: myths) of different pantheons. You are a Christian extremist, just like the KKK and Black Panthers, who might I remind you were Christian-based extremists and killed men, women, and children alike.

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