Masturbation is Murder

Dear readers,

I would like to briefly draw your attention to one of the most sinful activities associated with the internet. You are on the internet right now, so you might feel the urge to engage in this sinful act. The act I am speaking of is the act of masturbation.  Well friends, masturbation is murder, not just of the sperm that you ejaculate, but also because of the damage it does to your grace. Masturbation is a sin. Sin marks the demise of the soul, unless you are saved by Jesus.

The Bible says that it is better for your seed to fall in the belly of a whore than on the ground. This shows that the act of masturbation is more sinful than the act of prostitution or adultery.  This is an important point. Jerking yourself off is MORE SINFUL than sleeping with a prostitute! It is also more sinful, I would hazard, than sodomy.  Why? Because when you are masturbating, at home, in your mother’s basement, on your computer with the lights low, nothing can stop the disturbing, sinful thoughts racing through your mind. At least when you’re with somebody, they can give you a weird look if you start talking about bestiality. This society is so sinful that donkey shows and “interspecies erotica” are considered good forms of entertainment. This must change America. Change it!

Repent America! Repent! Reject masturbation. Stop doing the Hand Shammy.  Stop doing the banana dance. Stop choking the wild turkey. And most importantly, change your society. Reject donkey shows and man on dog! Reject sodomy. Reject blumpkins and bad habits. Reject ALL of Satan’s works. Then, only then, can America re-assert its dominance as the world’s leading Christian nation.

Why has American influence been on the decline over the last few decades? Because of the increase in pornography, masturbation, and perverts in this nation! America is losing its masculine Christian essence because our youth are being allowed to spill their seed wherever they desire. Stop it America. Stop it! Masturbation is nothing less than the murder of the American nation. We must stop it.

71 thoughts on “Masturbation is Murder

  1. Boss says:

    go [VULGAR] yourself piece of [VULGAR] i [VULGAR] women [VULGAR all day [VULGAR] this propaganda [VULGAR VULGAR VULGAR]

    • Dear friends, this is the kind of sinfulness that masturbation brings into the world (edited for the sake of decency). This man is destined to burn in hell for all eternity unless he repents.

      • Jesus says:

        I would be more willing to consider your point as a legitimate point of view, or at least be more able to engage in a civilized discourse if your post here was something more than: an introduction, a single bible verse (and the only one you can find, I would wager, that in any way backs your “argument”), metaphors for masturbation, and inflammatory statements, all peppered with with nothing more than opinion.

      • dear friend, I will pray for you.

  2. Vinyl says:

    Unfortunately for you, this country was not founded on any religious beliefs, so America officially being a christian nation is laughable. Especially since the number of christians is steadily shrinking lower than its current 46%, and the number of Atheists is at an all time high, and still growing.
    I find it funny that a lot of people turn Atheist after actually reading the bible, because they’d just been told by their pastor the parts he/she wanted them to hear, and not the horribly grody and violent ones, without reading it for themselves.

    And before you ask, yes, I have read that filth called the bible. It’s worse than most of the books put on the banned books list, and guess what? That list was written by christians too.

  3. Francis says:

    I try really hard but I end up masturbating about once a month and I feel terrible. Do you think God will forgive me? When you masturbate what do you pray to repent? I must be doing it wrong.

  4. Happy Birthday belated to Horus, Thor, Bacchus and Jesus! says:

    It’s people like you who are ruining this nation. You have absolutely no right to tell anyone else what to do based on your silly little book. If people like you got your way we probably wouldn’t have access to the internet, aside from reading the bible. I don’t care what you do in your house, but stay out of the internet.

    The internet is basically the greatest single thing to ever happen in human history. So stop trying to ruin it for the rest of us.

    Also, don’t ever censor anyone ever again. Why do you care about words?!?!?! It’s not like saying “fuck you” will ever hurt anyone?

    P.S. I don’t watch porn/masturbate.

    • I will pray for you sinner. I censored to be polite. I will pray for your soul. That post was loaded with cursewords. I am trying to keep a good Christian site

      • Happy belated Birthday to Horus, Thor, Bacchus and Jesus! says:

        Please don’t pray for me, instead tell me why I’m a sinner. Cite specific reasons why I shouldn’t say, go look at some pictures of naked woman(or men) right now. Don’t use the Bible as evidence, it’s not.

        Why is cursing non-christian?

      • sigh. so many heathens, so little time

      • Vinyl says:

        I’m with this guy. Prove to us it’s a sin without using any “holy” books. It’s actually healthy, as it provides stress release, and the 1000 sperm created with every heartbeat have to go somewhere. If you don’t do it, your body will itself, and probably not at a convenient time for you.

      • sigh. I’ll be prayng for you.

      • Vinyl says:

        Tell me when that actually works, ok? If you don’t mind, I’m going to go reread The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. It’s a great, eye-opening book. You should read it sometime.

      • I;ve read it, and Dawkins makes numerous base-less asumptions in it. Even Michael Ruse dis-trusts Dawkins.

      • Vinyl says:

        Baseless evidence, eh? How about all those millions of scientific studies proving theories, and most of it is him retelling stories of religions fighting and all saying they’re the one true religion, and all of them backing up their points with their holy book, when most of them have been edited and retranslated hundreds of times to include and not include the things the leaders of the countries didn’t like. What I’m saying is: All his claims are either proven theories or theories. All religious claims are hypotheses.
        Theory: 1. A supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something, esp. one based on general principles independent of the thing to be.
        Hypothesis: 1. A supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation.
        2. A proposition made as a basis for reasoning, without any assumption of its truth.

        And don’t just say you’ll “pray for me” again. Give me evidence to back up your claims. You seem like a broken record and backed into a corner with one last thing left to say.

      • sigh. science is based on assumptions. You can either accept the assumptions of God or those of man. I’ll trust God, since He created the universe. Man did not create the universe, God did. So why trust man over God?

      • Vinyl says:

        Man created “god.” While science may be based on assumptions, experiments are run for proving and disproving these assumptions. If an assumption turns out to be wrong, it is discarded, and the theory starts to look more like how it really looks, and we’re a step closer to the real thing. However, religion is also assumptions, and while you may claim to have evidence, your “evidence” is a book written thousands of years ago to control people, is highly sexist and derogatory towards women, uses no science at all, disallows the use of contraceptives, deprives people who are different of their basic human rights, and is very violent and gory.

        We have evidence from millions of tests performed at least 30 times each, which all have mostly proved religion obsolete as it is no longer even relevant. If you haven’t noticed, the upcoming generation (ages 12-25) is nearly 100% atheist, the biggest religious followers are all >40 years old, struggling to hold on to their faulty ties in a world quickly moving away from these delusions.

      • heathen. God created man. Not the other way around. Read the Bible.

      • Happy belated Birthday to Horus, Thor, Bacchus and Jesus! says:

        You have 7 comments, all of them you answered with “I’ll pray for you” (Aside from the one you agree with)

        Instead of ignoring my questions answer them! Your just digging yourself deeper into your little hole. Eventually the world is going to realize that people like you should just be ignored. In fact I can’t believe I’m spending so much time on this. I could be killing people in video games, maybe watch some star trek.

        Stop judging me be more Christlike.
        Here’s a picture that describes my feelings right now,

      • dear friend, you’re enttled to your own theological inerpretation of things, even if your interpretation is wrong in my opinion. I will pray for you, but it ultimately YOUR choice, not mine, for you to follow Jesus.

  5. Jesus says:

    Can you come up with anything else to say, other than I will pray for you? When you are backed into a corner it does not make you look like the enlightened person you think you are. It makes you look condescending. And whats worse, it makes you look like a fool. When you run out of points that your priest or pastor used in his sermon this past Sunday, you run out of things to say other than “I will pray for you”.

    • Jesus loves you friend. But if you reject His gift of salvation, you risk being cast into the fires of hell. So me praying for you is, in fact, a good, Christian option since I am trying to take care of you.

      • Jesus says:

        I don’t need you to take care of me. If on the off chance you are right and one day I must stand before a god and answer for my sins, each and every one of them, I will look up and I will say “Yes, I did each and every one of these things, and i never believed in you, what do you want me to say?”

    • Your Jesus is a limp-dicked washed up irrelevant ‘God’, just like Zeus, Odin, and who knows how many before him. Put him on the shelf and meet me somewhere on the evolutionary bell-curve, crackerjack.

  6. Bible Masturbator 69 says:

    Do people here seriously not realise that this was written Sarcastically… Haha what a sad little world we live in… Read between the lines you dumb dumbs the writer of this piece is making a social comment on how rediculous some of these groups are.. Open your eyes!! Ps the lord will save you just like he saves me when I jizz thinking about Adam and Eve and her little vagina covered by a small leaf 🙂 please pray for me creationsciencestudy I need a lot of saving xx

    • Dear friend,

      There is no sarcasm whatsoever in this post. My argument is as legit as Jesus. I am deadly serious, and I will pray for you, since I fear for your soul. You do not recognize true Christian Truths when you see them. This is true Christian Truth, not sarcasm. I will pray for you.

      Yours in Christ,


      • ‘As legit as Jesus’ – You realize there were several ‘Messiah’ characters running around that part of the World at that time? And that this fictional sack of shit you refer to as ‘Jesus’ probably was just a compilation of the rest of them? I wouldn’t refer to anything being as ‘legit as Jesus’. But, since you’re following that outdated, poorly bit of erotic murder fiction you call ‘the Bible’, I suppose you’re down with slavery? And how old is your daughter going to be before you sell her? Oooooh, and statistically, she’ll probably end up divorced. Will you be stoning that whorish adultress with the rest of your good Christian folk? Now, if you state ‘that’s all the old law, we follow the New Testament, which says ‘love everyone’, then you must retract this whole post, because the new law overrode the old ones. Or do you just Cherrypick based on what you feel like twisting the words of that impotent useless book to say?

      • Jesus is the true Savior you heathen.

  7. If we are brainwashed by school, then you must be brainwashed by religion.

    Masturbation is a healthy activity, why do you think healthy males have an “endless supply” of semen?
    “allowed to spill their seed wherever they desire”
    Look, plants release their pollen like there is no tomorrow, why can’t we humans do the same?

  8. The_Pastafarian says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS! america SHOULDN’T be the worlds leading christian nation. seperation of the church from state is in the constitution. and just because “dark thoughts race through our minds” doesn’t do ANYTHING to harm america. you bible humping asses need to open your eyes! GOD DOESN’T EXIST! i’m a pastafarian. i bet you didn’t think there were beliefs other than yours ehh? and you can’t tell me my belief that a giant spagehtti monster created the earth is stupid, because it’s based on the same amount of evidence as christianity is. REPENT! BOW BEFORE HIS NOODLY GOODNESS OR FOREVER SWIM IN TOMATO SAUCE!


  9. The_Pastafarian says:


    Science is based on observable facts, christianity is the belief that an omnipotent, undetectable being watches over 7 billion people at once, determining who goes to hell and who goes to heaven, based solely on who cleanses themselves from the evil that’s in every one of them that’s there because a talking snake told a girl and a guy not to eat a fruit, but they did anyway. It’s fucking rediculous. There are facts to back up evolution. FACTS. how can you prove christianity? A FICTIONAL BOOK!

  10. The_Pastafarian says:

    You also missed the point about the pastafarianism thing. it’s supposed to show that christianity is no better. neither beings, god, or his noodly goodness, have any lick of proof for either of their existence, beyond some guy saying they do.

  11. The_Pastafarian says:

    also, god killed more than 23 000 people in the bible. satan killed 10. who’s worse?

    • And theres that part in the bible that says “Thou shalt not kill”

    • Dj says:

      10? Umm when king Herod had all the first born male babies killed, was that the doing of god or satan? Anyone who would just kill all first born male babies who are defenseless and can’t even answer for themselves would have to be of Satan. This isn’t even an abortion issue at all, they were already born and living! I think just that instance itself exceeds 10 lol. Unless you believe there were less than 10 first born male children at that time. Even if you don’t believe the bible that this event occurred, it’s still a story in the bible and you said yourself Satan only led to the killing of 10 in the bible. To you those first born babies may have no significance at all, but to god they were ” created in his own image”.

  12. The_Pastafarian says:

    the internet is an athiest nation. us athiests may be outsiders in the bible belt of america, but here, YOU’RE the outsider bitch. I’ll bet you also support the idea that all homosexuals should be put behind an electric fence and left to die. sounds an awful lot like the holocaust. The anti-gay thing is stupid, there are gay ANIMALS! just think in 50 years from now people will think people like you, were the same scum who put all the jews into ovens. or picketed against black/white integrated schooling.

    • WEERDO says:

      Hey pastafarian I get what your saying and I want to say many of the things you say. But can you town down the swearing? We’re trying to remain. Above him even as he curses us to hell but if insults are your thing I wont complain again.


      • Finally. An atheist with class. I appreciate your statement here. Thank you.

      • WEERDO says:

        Uh no. A compliment out of ignorance is not one at all, I would prefer his arguments over your compliments any day. Im simply stating that we have the intellectual highground and we need not lower ourselves to you r level. And how the he’ll can I have class if I am a heathen?!

      • Even heathens can be alright sometimes. You’d make a good Christian, friend.

      • WEERDO says:

        I was. Then I learned something. That makes you bad at any religion. And to question you how can heathens like myself be alright sometimes and still go to hell? Oh wait I don’t want to beloved that a jewish carpenter born from a woman who cheated on her husband is my eternal savior.

    • sinner. I’ll pray that you won’t rot in hell. Know Jesus

  13. Mein Gott says:

    If even Satan can quote the bible, how do I know you aren’t a false believer??

  14. Nic says:

    I’m sure Obama masturbates.

    • greg howard says:

      Honestly the person who started this site probably truly believes that is the worst thing he does. God help us all.

  15. andrew says:

    Do you mean we have a being that created an eternal universe, is outside of time and space, and out of the billions of galaxies, billions of solar systems, billions of planets, billions of people, he’s looking down on me banging one out and shaking his head? Do you think he could be doing more productive things? No wonder the world is in such a mess.

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