Greetings True Christians (and heathen scum)!
Today I want to share with you the news of a wonderful and joyous occasion. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has used the Holy Spirit to inspire the trampling deaths of more than 700 Muslims near Mecca today as they travelled to Islam’s unholy city to worship a rock! This represents the loss of a relatively large number of potential terrorists and makes the world a safer place for all Christians. Why? Because the only safe Muslim is one who cannot attack and kill Christians!
This is wonderful and glorious news. Every year, Muslims make their unholy pilgrimage, the Hajj, to visit Mecca. They believe that their demon-possessed “prophet” Mohammed rode a rock to heaven from this site, or something stupid like that. I can only imagine the scene. Much like the Running of the Bulls in Spain, some heathen Muslim terrorist thought it would be a good idea to run towards their sacred rock. He shoved past other Muslims, who must have thought that there were 72 virgins waiting for whoever touched the rock first. Everyone began to run. A stampede followed. Hundreds of terrorists died. This is wonderful news.
Before you accuse me of being too harsh on the Muslims, let us pause for a moment to imagine a world with no Islam. The Twin Towers would still be standing. We would not be embroiled in wars in the Middle East. Our economy would not be in the toilet. Islam is an enemy to America, and it is always wonderful to see Islam suffer a blow. These people don’t even love their own children!
So you see, my brothers and sisters in Christ, Islam is an abomination from the devil, and Mohammed himself was actually inspired by demons. God hates this unholy religion, and is very happy that more than 700 terrorists were killed today! Let us pray:
Heavenly Father, we thank you very much for killing 700 potential terrorists in Mecca. We thank you for preventing them from killing innocent Christian Americans. We thank you for striking a blow against Satan’s religion Islam. We ask you humbly to continue to strike fear into the hearts of Muslims everywhere, until they give up their heathen ways and accept Christ. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
Thank you God for destroying some Muslims! It is time to take back the world for Jesus! It is time to take back America for Christ!
Jim Solouki and Martin Baker