God Hates the Cincinnati Bengals.

Greetings True Christians!

Today I would like to inform you that God hates the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals are the devil’s team, even worse than the New England Patriots!Their cheerleaders sleep with children, their players are criminals, their logo is heathen, and their owner is a manipulative jerk that takes money away from starving children in order to improve his multi-million dollar football stadium. Shame on you Cincinnati! SHAME ON YOU!

the criminal Bengals van


Did you know that the Cincinnati Bengals are almost all criminals? Nearly half the team has been arrested! Do we really want these criminals as role models for our children? Rey Maualuga was convicted of drunk driving. Chris Henry was convicted of…well….everything, and now he’s dead. Pacman Jones even beat up his body guard! These are Satan’s minions indeed!

Pacman Jailbait Jones!


The Bengals also have an evil Cheerleader who has molested school-aged children! This a clear heathen conspiracy! If we teach our children that it is ok to have sex with their teachers, it denies the sanctity of marriage and leads our children into sin. Do we really want our kids to believe that sex outside of marriage is acceptable? I think not!

Sarah Jones. A happy ending to every game, a path to Hell for every student!


Mike Brown, the owner of the Bengals, is, in fact, Satan’s right hand man! While there were hundreds of hungry children in need of food in the Cincinnati area, Mike Brown greedily blackmailed the city of Cincinnati into funneling millions of dollars into his stadium project instead. Shame on you Mike Brown. You’re going straight to Hell.

Mike Brown, Agent of Satan!


The Bengals even allow Godless Communists on their team! This year they drafted Margus Hunt, from Estonia, the former Eastern Bloc nation. Why would you give safe haven to a communist rather than draft a True Christian? Shame on you Cincinnati!

Margus Hunt, Communist conspirator


The Bengal Tiger logo is even a heathen logo! It represents the nation of India, a notoriously heathen and Hindu nation. Gandhi, renowned denizen of Hell, was responsible for the creation of the Indian nation. His followers are all Godless heathens! The Tiger logo supports India, which in turn, attacks God.

the Heathen Tiger logo


Repent Cincinnati! REPENT! I will be praying for you!

I’m Jim Solouki, and I’m a True Christian.

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