Greetings True Christians!!
Today we are going to be talking about the evils of Zelda! Zelda is an evil Satanic video game series created by the heathen Japanese, and has weaseled its way into the living rooms of good, unsuspecting True Christian families across America. I first encountered the Zelda series growing up, while my neighbor used to play it on his Nintendo Genesis 69. I was immediately struck by the inherently evil and pagan message preached by the series. I will restrict my criticism to the Ocarina of Time, since there is far too much heathenry in the entire series for one blog post!
Why is Zelda evil? Let us count the ways. Oh, wait. We can’t break down the series into single occurrences of evil since the entire series is brought to you by Satan. Did you know that the Zelda game is played on a Japanese game system? Zelda was brought to America by the Japanese! Do you know what else the Japanese gave to America? Pearl Harbor. Unfortunately, the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki did not prevent the creation of the abominable legend of Zelda. That can be counted as a victory for the heathen Japanese.
Did you know that the Legend of Zelda mocks the Holy Trinity? The game has players interact with a “triforge”. This is an object which any True Christian easily can recognize as a facetious, denigratively mocking representation of the Trinity. The Trinity is holy. The Triforge is of the Devil, and no good will come of it.
Did you know that Ocarina of Time also includes fairies? Do you know that fairies are heathen creations? While these fairies in Zelda seem harmless enough, what True Christian has not looked with sadness upon a teenaged girl dressed in a hedonistically revealing and unchaste Tinkerbell costume around Halloween? Peter Pan is also of the Devil, but we will stick to the evils of Zelda in this post. It is sad, but through video games such as the Legend of Zelda, our young children are being raised from an early childhood age to believe in Satanic fairies. Why do Americans tolerate their children believing in fairies but rejecting the One True God? This is disturbing stuff! This rejection of God in favor of heathen beliefs and atheism is one of the many reasons why God is allowing America to be punished every day with wars, terrorist attacks, earthquakes, hurricanes, ice storms, wind storms, flooding, drought, tornados, and other disasters. God has passed judgment on America, and more misfortunes will follow. America needs to return to a state where women are in the kitchen, men are in the workplace, children are in school, and Christ is in the classroom. It is only by returning to our Christian American roots that we will gain forgiveness from God. But I digress. Back to Zelda’s legend of sin.
Did you know that the Ocarina of Time attempts to interest children in a primitive lifestyle? Much like the primitive savage peoples that live in the jungle, the characters in Zelda live in trees and play heathen instruments like ocarinas. This is a form of evolutionary indoctrination! The creators of Zelda are trying to teach our children that civilized people came from these primitive savages. The intent of the creators of Zelda is to suggest that if civilized people came from savages, then these savages came from apes. This is a very subtle form of evolutionary indoctrination, but that should not be surprising. Satan works in many sneaky ways. Zelda even has a character that looks like a Japanese member of the KKK! This is teaching our children to be racist!
Did you know that the Ocarina of Time also contains witchcraft? Zelda casts spells and uses ritual magic in an attempt to gain healing or inflict pain on its enemies. The game portrays such practices as successful. This, in turn, teaches children playing the game that they can use witchcraft or practice Wicca and gain from it. In truth, if you are using Wicca or witchcraft, you just lost the game, because witchcraft is sin, and the wages of sin is death.
Reject the Satanic Zelda series! Let us keep Satan away from our children. Let us join together in protest of Zelda’s Ocarina of Sin. Let us remove Zelda from our households. Let us take back our computers for Christ!
My name is Jim Solouki, and I’m a True Christian.