Checkmate, atheists!

Once again, atheism is trying to infiltrate the Church and American values. It is responsible for hijacking the education system, banning prayer in schools and in public, the Anti Christian Lawyers Union, American Naziism, Planned Parenthood, Maxim magazines, teenage cross-dressing, communism in America, and other sins. It is that time again for the True soldiers of Christ to declare the war on atheism and continue the good fight against Satan. Let’s chop down the Tree of Evil and take back America for Christ!

Atheists claim that the the bible is full of fairy tales. Well, it is real because it was written by the authors that knew God and his miracles. CHECKMATE!

Atheists claim dinosaurs and man did not live together. Have you heard of Behemoth that was mentioned in the book of Job and that has features that match the description of dinosaurs? CHECKMATE!

Atheists say that Noah’s flood was made up. How do you explain why we see rainbows in the sky as promised by God and all the mountain ranges that could never have formed by themselves? CHECKMATE!

Christopher Hitchens was a sinner that became saved, and he openly embraced Jesus before he died in his deathbed. CHECKMATE!

You can accept Jesus into your life, but that cannot work if you tried that with Dawkins or Darwin. CHECKMATE!

Atheists claim evolution is real, but Richard Dawkins is afraid to debate creationists. We don’t even see humans being born in the zoos from monkeys. You don’t even see a mouse magically appear from dust, now do you? CHECKMATE!

Evolution cannot be real because the Bible doesn’t even mention it. CHECKMATE!

Ray Comfort has demonstrated evolution to be false with a banana. CHECKMATE!

Checkmate, atheists! You can accept that evolution is false and that the goodly Bible is the true word of God by accepting Christ into your life. You can also help restore America and protest evolution!

Martin Baker

14 thoughts on “Checkmate, atheists!

  1. weerd0 says:

    Sigh…. Your a troll no one is this stupid. If not i fear for the species. But lets tear this down.

    I’m not going to touch the first paragraph, so many inaccuracies its not even worth refuting logically. (To refute something their needs to be some resemblance of thought process, their was no light of thought in your first paragraph, and perhaps only a photon or two in those that followed.)

    “Atheists claim that the the bible is full of fairy tales. Well, it is real because it was written by the authors that knew God and his miracles. CHECKMATE!”

    Prove it without using the bible as a source. Prove the miracles. Their is some historical fact to the bible but it must be taken like the tall tales of Davy Crockett and Paul Bunyan, some fact a lot of hype. Prove the miracles for the above statement to be true.

    “Atheists claim dinosaurs and man did not live together. Have you heard of Behemoth that was mentioned in the book of Job and that has features that match the description of dinosaurs? CHECKMATE!”

    By behemoth i believe you mean the dragon like creature or devil like creature in the biblical stories. Most if not all of those creatures can be traced back to earlier Greek and Roman myths, and those traced even further back to pagan symbolism.

    “Atheists say that Noah’s flood was made up. How do you explain why we see rainbows in the sky as promised by God and all the mountain ranges that could never have formed by themselves? CHECKMATE!”

    You want me to explain the meteorological phenomenon of rainbows? Here watch this educational video,

    And if fairy tales about rainbows are true i want my freaking pot of gold!
    As for mountains, Bill NYE!

    Tectonic plates!

    “You can accept Jesus into your life, but that cannot work if you tried that with Dawkins or Darwin. CHECKMATE!”

    ??? I can’t even figure out what you are trying to say ???

    “Atheists claim evolution is real, but Richard Dawkins is afraid to debate creationists. We don’t even see humans being born in the zoos from monkeys. You don’t even see a mouse magically appear from dust, now do you? CHECKMATE!”

    Dawkins debated with creationists in his earlier years but got fed up with them and their illogical and malformed arguments. He now refuses to debate with them, instead choosing to debate most often with other scientists and theologians whom have open minds. I’m sick and tired of trying to explain evolution to you so i shall ignore that part for now. (Look at previous comments for explanation. I’ve gone in depth at least twice.)

    “Evolution cannot be real because the Bible doesn’t even mention it. CHECKMATE!”

    Computers, Cars, Fast Food, America, Glasses, Space Ships, Moon Landings, and Printed Books were not in the bible. I guess they are not real either.

    “Ray Comfort has demonstrated evolution to be false with a banana. CHECKMATE!”

    The modern banana was selectively bred by humans (Like dogs and livestock.) to look like it does now. Here is a truly unaltered one.
    http://vi.sualize.us/an_undomesticated_banana_incredimazing_domestication_artificial_selection_natural_food_picture_FZp.html

    You are a god damn idiot, and i am a god damn idiot for trying to argue with you. Good day sir.

  2. Reason says:

    Question time!

    1. How can you prove that the authors of the bible knew God?

    2. Has this “Behemoth” been found?

    3. I really don’t know much about how light works But I do know that it’s made up of many colors and oftentimes after a storm or something like that, there’s moisture in the air and when the light hits it at an angle we can see the rainbow. (For goodness sake, someone please explain it to them properly I’m no good at specifics when it comes to science.) As for the mountains… well, again, I’m no geologist, so I’ll leave that to someone else.

    4. Hitchens repented? That seems astronomically improbable. Can you provide evidence?

    5. I’ve covered this before… And no one has ever “accepted” Darwin or Dawkins into their hearts before… Hell, I’m sure they’d look at you as if you’d gone mad if you told them that.

    6. Dawkins refuses to debate with creationists? Hmm… I wonder why? It couldn’t possibly be because they just ignore everything he says and they just continue spouting raw sewage with reckless abandon, could it?

    7. You know what else the bible doesn’t mention? The planet Mars. But lo and be-fucking-hold, We sent a robot (appropriately named “Curiosity”) to Mars that successfully landed and sent us pictures! (http://imgur.com/gallery/MJt3T) See that right there? That’s Mars. That is another fucking planet. Give that a moment to sink in. Mankind found something your “God” didn’t tell us about, and now we’re exploring it.

    8. You have to defend your religion with a banana? Really? Not to mention that that argument has more holes in it than swiss cheese.

  3. Oh man, i’m gonna make swiss cheese out of this later tonight.

  4. is that how arguments are actually fought on your planet? You make a blanket statement that has little to know connection to actual fact, you do absolutely no research on anything, but instead declare rumor and speculation as fact, and you take those things and declare them a win? If that’s how it works, i want to try!

    But wait…those aren’t valid arguments. To argue, you need to present facts to support your beliefs, not just state the beliefs as fact and declare you win.

  5. weerd0 says:

    Hey where is my comment! Stop moderating!

  6. Gabriel, angel of the golden arches says:

    Hahahaha. Well done, young squire. Well done…

  7. Vicki says:

    “We don’t even see humans being born in the zoos from monkeys. You don’t even see a mouse magically appear from dust, now do you? CHECKMATE!”
    lol, you obviously don’t understand evolution at all.
    hahahahha… ooh, these are the worst arguments I’ve ever heard.
    and to say checkmate after every stupid thing you say. hilarious. thanks for the laugh.

  8. Lilia says:

    …This is satire, right?

  9. Atheists claim that the the bible is full of fairy tales. Well, it is real because it was written by the authors that knew God and his miracles. CHECKMATE!
    Proof that the writers knew god, we need proof, not words.

    Atheists claim dinosaurs and man did not live together. Have you heard of Behemoth that was mentioned in the book of Job and that has features that match the description of dinosaurs? CHECKMATE!
    Proof that Behemoth really existed.
    Atheists say that Noah’s flood was made up. How do you explain why we see rainbows in the sky as promised by God and all the mountain ranges that could never have formed by themselves? CHECKMATE!
    Rainbows are made by light refracting in droplets of water in the air, we can easily create a smaller rainbow with a glass prism.
    Christopher Hitchens was a sinner that became saved, and he openly embraced Jesus before he died in his deathbed. CHECKMATE!
    So? What does that proof?
    You can accept Jesus into your life, but that cannot work if you tried that with Dawkins or Darwin. CHECKMATE!
    We don’t accept them into our lives, we read about their work and learn.
    Atheists claim evolution is real, but Richard Dawkins is afraid to debate creationists. We don’t even see humans being born in the zoos from monkeys. You don’t even see a mouse magically appear from dust, now do you? CHECKMATE!
    How many times have we told you the proper definition of evolution? First, you need MILLIONS OF YEARS, the only changes we can observe now are very small, just changes in the DNA.
    Evolution cannot be real because the Bible doesn’t even mention it. CHECKMATE!
    Then the various gods from other religion would also be real because a religious text/book says so.
    Ray Comfort has demonstrated evolution to be false with a banana. CHECKMATE!
    Tell us how he did that, in your own words.

  10. Go r/atheism says:

    Umm most atheists despise hitler, and nazis so yeah that’s a thing

  11. Franco says:

    wow, you self-proclaim a checkmate!!!; also it’s contradictory, because if it’s a checkmate, so why are you still with this posts, checkmate means win, so if you win why still playing?

  12. Alienfan says:

    Lol! I laughed so hard! Was he 8 when he wrote this?

    Btw. This site is not satire, but it is still pretty god damn stupid!(I can say god even though im an atheist)

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