More questions to ask an atheist!

Dear fellow Christians,

Atheists, better known as heathens, at the college campuses, all over America, like to host an event called “Ask an Atheist.” The purpose of these events are to brainwash Christians and to add new recruits to their organizations. Even worse, the college faculty support these events since it is well understood that the campuses are breeding grounds for believing in evolution, homosexuality, partying and boozing, atheism, encouragement of having sex before marriage, and other various sins.

If you see an atheist organization on campus hosting the “Ask an Atheist” event, here are some questions to ask them. Watch as they have a difficult time trying to answer these questions:

Why do you compare Jesus to Santa when you understand that Jesus was a real person?

Have you heard of the Shroud of Turin?

If evolution is real, why can’t I evolve wings if I want to?

Do you know of the Piltdown Man hoax that disproves evolution?

Why do we see no superior race in people since Darwin’s racist views on evolution were about preserving favored races?

If evolution is true, then have you seen the scrap in a junkyard all of a sudden transform into a plane?

Why would you want to take part in charities, help the homeless, or do other good things if you are an atheist?

How did the eye form?

How did the Grand Canyon form?

What happens when We die?

If we came from monkeys, then why do we see monkeys not drive cars, talk, go to church, paint, or do other activities humans do?

Can you explain why the banana fits on the palm of the hand?

How can evolution work if you believe there is no purpose?

If evolution is true, then why do black men make better basketball players than white men? And why can’t white men ever keep up with black men in basketball as Darwin would have predicted? After all, white men can’t jump!

Why can’t Stephen Hawking give a complete answer to how the universe came out of nothing if he still believe the universe came out of nothing?

When you ask atheists these questions, they will struggle to give a complete answer. Be sure to show them the truth by explaining the miracles of Jesus and why they must repent. Tell them that God is the only answer to why we have a purpose in life. As Christians, we must take a stand for Christ and fight the bad fruits produced by the Tree of Evil from Satan.

Martin Baker

54 thoughts on “More questions to ask an atheist!

  1. ivan says:

    Are you retarded?

    • Ivan, we are true Christians doing the work of Jesus. Yet you heathen scum come onto our site and ask us if we are “retarded”? How dare you mock God’s special people? How dare you mock us? How dare you use a mentally debilitating illness term as an attempt at an insult? Satan will enjoy torturing you in hell you creep.

      Jim Solouki

      • 794613825 says:

        Not sure if sarcastic…

      • no sarcasm intended. We’re as legit as Jesus

      • n'umaheru says:

        Is there any proof of Jesus (apart from the Bible)?

      • Even Roman historians mentioned Jesus (Josephus, for example). The early martyrs (and subsequent martyrs) were tortured and died for Him. There is archaeological evidence for his existence as well. There is plenty of proof of Jesus. Just open your heart and you will see the Truth of Christ.

      • ivan says:

        Special would be an accurate term in this situation. It is clear that you do not have a firm grasp of reality. In order:

        1. Santa, or at least Sinterklaas has more historical evidence backing him then Jesus. The magical aspect of both tales is quite comparable is both in that we are taught as children, when no evidence of said magic exists. The only major difference is that at some point we all realize that one tale is made up, and that for no reasonable reason people hold on to one.

        2. Yes.

        3. I ask again, are you retarded? Or do you simply have no knowledge whatsoever as to the mechanism of evolution?

        4. As a hoax, how does it have anything to do with evolution? If you are trying to imply that scientists can be wrong, I agree with you. I don’t agree, however, that the vast preponderance of evidence for evolution is wrong.

        5. Because Darwin was a racist. And was wrong on that subject.

        6. Nope. It also has nothing to do with evolution.

        7.Because I have empathy, I know what it is like to be poor, and I would prefer a world where people did not have to be as such. Also, because my parents have bothered to instill morals into me.

        8.I’m not sure, I’m not an evolutionary biologist. But a scholarly search will reveal the answer to you. I don’t claim to have all the knowledge of the universe, that would just be silly.

        9. If I recall correctly, the concuss is that the Colorado river dug it out over time.

        10. I don’t know. I’d imagine it would be similar to the experience of before I was born. Nothing.

        11. Because monkeys do not posses the brain and faculties to do all of these things.

        12. Because man cultivated it to do so. Seriously? The banana argument? LOL.

        13. Evolution is change over time. The changes that lead to more offspring do so, the changes that lead to less offspring do so. There is no ulterior motive or purpose.

        14. I am not going to dignify this with an answer.

        15.You would have to ask him, I don’t know his thoughts. One thing I would like to point out is that there is nothing wrong with not knowing. Making up an answer, regardless of how pleasing, stops the search for the truth and impedes progress.

        Oh and by the way, read your bible, it was not satan that produced the tree of ‘evil’. If I recall correctly, Satan as a being did not come into play until the new testament.

      • Ivan, why do you keep mocking the Mentally ill? Satan will enjoy torturing you in Hell….

        Jim

  2. Ryan says:

    I seriously can’t tell if this is meant as a joke. I think…. yes?

    • Ryan, I’m happy to inform you that Martin and I are indeed serious. Sorry to ruin your “joke”.

      Jim Solouki

    • Martin Baker says:

      Dear Ryan, we are not joking. This site is legitimate as Jesus!

      • 794613825 says:

        So, it’s not legitimate at all.

      • HOW DARE YOU COME ON OUR TRUE CHRISTIAN SITE AND MOCK CHRIST?!?! Jesus died for your sins, for YOUR sins. He was nailed to that Cross, tortured brutally by the Romans, beaten, spat on, mocked, and killed so that you and I might be saved. HOW DARE YOU mock him on our page? I will pray for you, but Satan will surely enjoy torturing you in Hell.

        ANd why would Satan torture you in Hell if God’s punishing him with hell? Because you were created by God, and Satan hates every one of God’s creations. Hope you enjoy immense, unfathomable pain and suffering in the fiery pit of Hell, because that’s where you’re headed sinner.

        I will be praying for you.

        Jim

    • Martin Baker says:

      No joke about this site! It’s as legitimate as Jesus!

  3. Flunky Town says:

    You can’t threaten an atheist with hell, silly! That would be like a hippie threatening to punch you in your aura.

    Oh, and if you don’t know how the Grand Canyon formed, I suggest you go back to the third grade.

    • I know how the Grand Canyon formed. It was formed by the Flood you heathen. Have fun in hell.

      • Flunky Town says:

        Allow yourself the thought, just for a moment, that there isn’t anything after life and we are here on this big blue marble, zipping through space – alone. It’s scary, I realize. But it’s true. Now stop trying to force your morality on other people and stop threatening people with hell. You look ridiculous.

      • But it’s not true. everything we need to know is given to us by God in the Bible. I’m not threatening you with hell, I’m warning you about the consequences of your heathen actions

  4. Bananaman says:

    Re the banana thing, you might enjoy this helpful instruction courtesy of Ray Comfort:

    http://i.imgur.com/6eLwY9S.gif

  5. Flavius Josephus says:

    I can respond every single one of those questions. Would you like to contact me?

  6. n'umaheru says:

    My mind used to be clouded with lies……… then I converted to Atheism, I feel…sort of refreshed.

  7. Ok…seriously… you have got to be fucking retarded. This has to be the absolute most ridiculous thing i have ever read….its people like you ruining the world. Please, please go get checked out. You might be sick or something. Mental problems maybe?

  8. Paul Wiklund says:

    Q: Why do you compare Jesus to Santa when you understand that Jesus was a real person?

    A: It’s funny that you ask this, as the only evidence for Jesus’ existence came from the bible. There are no independent accounts of him. Since you cannot use the bible for evidence of anything (watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0zWbL8Uqfw for reasons why), there is no proof of Jesus. Thus, the Santa Claus comparison. Ironically, Jolly Old Saint Nicholas was based on a real person (or several real people depending on the sources you want to use, and the version of Santa Claus you want to use).

    Q: Have you heard of the Shroud of Turin?

    A: Yes, I have. But if I don’t believe in Jesus, hearing of it doesn’t really make much difference. Have you heard of the Flying spaghetti Monster? You probably have, but it has about as much relevance to your worldview as the shroud of Turin does to mine.

    In 2009, the shroud was recreated to show that it’s fake. Don’t believe me? Here, have a CNN weblink. I’ll do your research for you. http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/10/07/italy.turin.shroud/

    Q: If evolution is real, why can’t I evolve wings if I want to?

    A: Because evolution isn’t about choice. It’s about a long, slow process where tiny changes add up to something large in the end. For a thorough and complete explanation (as well as just a damn good read) I suggest “The Greatest Show on Earth” by Richard Dawkins.

    Q: Do you know of the Piltdown Man hoax that disproves evolution?

    A:I am sorry that you believe one hoax disproves evolution. If that’s your basis for disproving something, then why have you not abandoned your religion? The vast majority of “miracles” that people claim are disproved within hours of their occurrence.

    You choose to believe a 2,000+ year-old book that has been largely discredited by almost every free-thinking mind in the academic and scientific communities, yet believe that God created the world, created evil, created man, then couldn’t fix what he had created, so he drowned us? Or that he sacrificed himself to himself to save his creations from himself?

    Thanks, I’ll remain a heathen.

    Q: Why do we see no superior race in people since Darwin’s racist views on evolution were about preserving favored races?

    A:Well, the idea of a favored race has kind of gone out of favor (don’t pardon the pun). The Nazi’s believed that, and they were largely wrong. There is something to be said for selective breeding of people, but those people are largely dependent on their environment for their advantages to be useful. Sickle-cell anemia is a famous example, where the gene that causes the sickle cell and prevents the blood from clotting also has the benefit of providing a resistance to malaria. There are several other complications associated with sickle-cell disorder, but this is the comments section on a blog, not Wikipedia. You can Google it yourself (but I don’t expect you will, because you would have had these answers.)

    Q: If evolution is true, then have you seen the scrap in a junkyard all of a sudden transform into a plane?

    A:There are several problems with your question, not the least of which is that the plane is not (and never was) alive. Evolution occurs when traits that have made the parent more successful in an environment are passed down to the offspring, thus giving the offspring a greater chance of survival as well. Over time, these traits will become dominant among the local population, and if the changes are severe enough, result in the creation of a new branch of the species. Perhaps over tens of thousands of years.

    Even if the airplane were alive, I’m not going to watch it for that long. I can’t.

    Q: Why would you want to take part in charities, help the homeless, or do other good things if you are an atheist?

    A: Because I believe that our morality comes from living together as a society, and not from your book. Your question presupposes that morality comes from the bible, and that presupposition ignores the idea that societies before Christianity and the Jews had morals and laws as well, without your god.

    Q: How did the eye form?

    A: Really? This old saw again? I’m just going to steal this from Wikipedia, if you don’t mind:

    The complex structure of the eye has been argued to be evidence in support the idea that it was designed by a creator, as it was claimed to be an example of irreducible complexity, impossible to have evolved via natural selection. In 1802, philosopher William Paley called it a miracle of “design”. Charles Darwin himself wrote in his Origin of Species, that the evolution of the eye by natural selection at first glance seemed “absurd in the highest possible degree”. However, he went on to explain that despite the difficulty in imagining it, this was perfectly feasible:
    …if numerous gradations from a simple and imperfect eye to one complex and perfect can be shown to exist, each grade being useful to its possessor, as is certainly the case; if further, the eye ever varies and the variations be inherited, as is likewise certainly the case and if such variations should be useful to any animal under changing conditions of life, then the difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection, though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered as subversive of the theory.[5]
    He suggested a gradation from “an optic nerve merely coated with pigment, and without any other mechanism” to “a moderately high stage of perfection”, giving examples of extant intermediate grades of evolution.[5] Darwin’s suggestions were soon shown to be correct, and current research is investigating the genetic mechanisms responsible for eye development and evolution.[6]

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution_of_the_eye

    Q: How did the Grand Canyon form?

    A: Well, a river ran across a plain and carried sediment downstream as it headed towards the ocean. As it carried sediment, it cut deeper and deeper. Plate tectonics may have been a factor as well, I’m no geologist. But that’s pretty much how ALL canyons form. Sometimes there’s an earthquake, and a split forms, but it’s rare that the split then has a river flow through it. What was your answer, “God did it?”

    Q: What happens when We die?

    A:We decompose. We pass on our knowledge to our offspring throughout the entire shared period of our lives, and when we go, we live on through their memories. That’s the only form of immortality.

    Q: If we came from monkeys, then why do we see monkeys not drive cars, talk, go to church, paint, or do other activities humans do?

    A: Because we didn’t come from monkeys. Monkey share a common ancestor with all primates, ourselves included. We evolved upon divergent paths. Interestingly enough, monkey and chimpanzee vocal patterns have the potential to unlock the rules for how speech was developed.

    Q: Can you explain why the banana fits on the palm of the hand?

    A: Because it was cultivated by botanists and farmers. The cavendish banana that you buy at the store bears little resemblance to early, wild bananas, which have large, hard seeds. We’ve been cultivating the banana for about 5,000 years (or, about 3,000 years longer than your bible in its modern form was conceived).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banana

    Q: How can evolution work if you believe there is no purpose?

    A: How can a car work if there aren’t any European swallows present?

    My belief in an overarching religious purpose (or lack thereof) has absolutely nothing to do with natural selection. Wanting something to be one way is not a guarantee that it should be. In the grand scheme of things, what I want matters little to the world, unless it is to be a better person. And that’s what I want. I will pass those morals on to my godless offspring, and they will help their children to be better people as well. That’s about as far as that goes, your question is nonsense.

    Q: If evolution is true, then why do black men make better basketball players than white men? And why can’t white men ever keep up with black men in basketball as Darwin would have predicted? After all, white men can’t jump!

    A: Your question is racist. However, I will indulge in a little armchair cultural anthropology for you (I’m not an expert).

    We, as white people (before my ancestors came to this country) used your book as the justification for owning people of a different skin color. We oppressed them, bought and sold them, and forced them to work for us. When we “freed” them (I rather believe they freed themselves, shaking off the chains of servitude), we then structured out laws to treat them like second-class citizens.
    We did the same thing to women, using the same book (the bible) as the basis for our justification.

    So we sent them to live in lower class neighborhoods (the black men and women, not the women referenced above), where the only way to get out and be successful was through music (see: the origins of Jazz and the Blues) or, at a later time, sports. When television became popular and inexpensive, sports players on television became idols and role models to inner-city kids looking for a way out of a cultural trap. It was an unintentional cultural trap, but there it was, nonetheless.

    So, now, come the late seventies, the children of parents who overcame segregation find themselves trapped in a neighborhood where the only way to get out is through music or sports. They choose one or the other, hoping to elevate themselves above their peers.

    Your question isn’t “Why do black men make better basketball players than white men?” nearly as much as it is “Why aren’t white men better at basketball?”

    And the answer to that is simple: White privilege through the decades.

    Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking give a complete answer to how the universe came out of nothing if he still believe the universe came out of nothing?

    A: For the same reason that you can’t tell me who created God. There comes a point where we can look back only so far, because the science and technology hasn’t evolved (there’s that word again) to allow us to find the answers.

    If you want, I can tell you who created god: MAN.

    • Paul, you are clearly being deluded by Satan. I’ll pray for you.

      Jim

      • Gabriel says:

        You’re more deluded than Paul is. A LOT MORE (as in, he’s not deluded at all, as far as i see from his reply). You’re being presented evidence, and yet you ignore it, claiming that there is either no evidence, or that the evidence is a lie. That’s just stupid.

        Also, regarding people, who called you stupid, retarded, etc. You’re ignoring logical argument. That’s not the way of a smart person. By doing so, you’re showing that you clearly have no understanding of the subject and continue being ignorant towards it. I suggest you try to read a thing or two to not be bashed by a random person next time and present factual evidence to prove your claims instead of just saying that people are blind and deluded. As long as you fail to do that, people will continue thinking that you’re just stupid. Although my guess is that you will fail to do that.

      • I’ll pray for yuo Gabriel. You need to accept Jesus. Until then, your mockery means nothing.

      • Paul Wiklund says:

        Jim: Thank you for your prayers. Though I have found prayer to be ineffectual at best, I do appreciate the efforts that you are making on my behalf. I see no reason why a disagreement in our worldviews should concern you so, but since it does, feel free.

        I hope that you find more satisfactory answers to your questions than the ones that I have presented (I thought mine were pretty good, but you clearly disagree). good luck, and have a nice day.

        Oh, and as far as being deluded by Satan goes, the bible has an interesting fact in that Satan only kills 10 people, while God kills millions. You can look it up. For any more deaths, you have to attribute those to Satan, but they aren’t fond in the bible (so how can you accept them as evidence?)

      • Gabriel says:

        In reply to your comment, that was a reply to mine.

        I was not trying to mock you. I tried to reason with you. But I guess I was wrong and reasong with you is impossible. I shall make no further comments here, unless you try to prove to me (successfully, or not) that you can accept a logical argument and provide one of your own. Claiming that you’re being mocked is not a logical argument in this case.

    • ivan says:

      While I applaud your efforts, the general consensus is that this is poe…Have a good day!

  9. SpaceGhoti says:

    > Why do you compare Jesus to Santa when you understand that Jesus was a real person?

    I do? It’s always so nice when people tell me what I believe. I don’t know that Jesus was a real person, let alone the son of a god I don’t believe in.

    > Have you heard of the Shroud of Turin?

    I have. I remain skeptical of its authenticity and alleged power.

    > If evolution is real, why can’t I evolve wings if I want to?

    Because you don’t understand evolution. This can be fixed. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/library/faq/

    > Do you know of the Piltdown Man hoax that disproves evolution?

    I’m aware of the hoax, not that it disproves evolution. It disproves a claim made about evolution.

    > Why do we see no superior race in people since Darwin’s racist views on evolution were about preserving favored races?

    Because Darwin wasn’t right about everything. His racism didn’t stand up to scrutiny, but his general observations about natural selection have been and continue to be validated by evidence.

    > If evolution is true, then have you seen the scrap in a junkyard all of a sudden transform into a plane?

    Since when is junkyard scrap a living, organic being that reproduces?

    > Why would you want to take part in charities, help the homeless, or do other good things if you are an atheist?

    Because helping my neighbor also helps myself. It’s a survival strategy that works pretty well.

    > How did the eye form?

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=evolution-of-the-eye

    > How did the Grand Canyon form?

    Erosion.

    > What happens when We die?

    What happens to a flame when its fuel burns out?

    > If we came from monkeys, then why do we see monkeys not drive cars, talk, go to church, paint, or do other activities humans do?

    Because monkeys never adapted to that. Humans are related to monkeys through a common primate ancestor, but we adapted differently.

    > Can you explain why the banana fits on the palm of the hand?

    Because the shape of the banana was engineered by humans. Wild bananas don’t fit quite so nicely.

    > How can evolution work if you believe there is no purpose?

    I don’t believe there’s a divine or absolute purpose. It works for the same reason that gravity works and fusion in stars work. It’s produced by natural forces that we’re learning to identify and explain. See my first response to you for details.

    > If evolution is true, then why do black men make better basketball players than white men? And why can’t white men ever keep up with black men in basketball as Darwin would have predicted? After all, white men can’t jump!

    It’s silly questions like this that make us suspect we’re targets of Poe’s Law (http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe%27s_Law). But since these are common creationist claims I’m giving serious responses anyway.

    > Why can’t Stephen Hawking give a complete answer to how the universe came out of nothing if he still believe the universe came out of nothing?

    You’d have to ask him. We have some very good models on how the universe may have manifested from quantum phenomenon, but those models aren’t yet complete. They are, however, backed by more evidence than the claim that a god is responsible for it.

  10. James says:

    Why do you compare Jesus to Santa when you understand that Jesus was a real person?
    In asking this question, you are assuming that we accept your belief that Jesus was real. So, I guess my answer to this question would have to be that I do not understand or accept that Jesus was a real person, hence the comparison, regardless of the fact that I’ve never actually made it.

    Have you heard of the Shroud of Turin?
    I have heard of the Shroud. I’ve also heard that a majority of experts believe that it is only about 600-700 years old. I have heard that there is new research being done, but I don’t typically make decisions based upon speculation and hypothesis when there is evidence to the contrary.

    If evolution is real, why can’t I evolve wings if I want to?
    Evolution does not operate based on what an organism wants, but rather what an organism needs to survive. While having wings would be very cool, there are very few practical applications – as pertains to our survival as a species – that would require them.

    Do you know of the Piltdown Man hoax that disproves evolution?
    I know of the Piltdown hoax, but it does not disprove evolution. It was a forgery, but there are many other paleolithic hominid species that we have found that have been verified, the most famous being Homo Neanderthalensis and Homo Erectus.

    Why do we see no superior race in people since Darwin’s racist views on evolution were about preserving favored races?
    We don’t see a superior race, but we certainly see evolutionary traits in each race based on their climates. For instance, races from equatorial regions all have darker skin because it was a trait that helped prevent damage from the sun, which is far more intense than in, say, Scandinavia where the people are paler, with blonde hair.

    If evolution is true, then have you seen the scrap in a junkyard all of a sudden transform into a plane?
    One, a plane is a mechanical object, built by human beings, not a natural organism. Two, even if this were not the case, evolution is an extremely long process involving the selection of the most desirable genetic traits through subtle mutation of DNA.

    Why would you want to take part in charities, help the homeless, or do other good things if you are an atheist?
    This is the easiest question of the bunch. I do these things because I feel a responsibility, as a part of the human race, to help those in need when I am able.

    How did the eye form?
    The formation of the eye probably started early in the evolutionary chain, since it is found in almost all species. Most likely it began as a simple protrusion that allowed the organism to see its surroundings (which would be very advantageous in not getting eaten or finding something to eat) and over the course of a couple thousand mutations it eventually receded into the face for protection and became complex enough that it could perceive more wavelengths of light – which is why we see color but certain animals don’t.

    How did the Grand Canyon form?
    The Grand Canyon was formed through a slow process of erosion by the Colorado River over millions of years.

    What happens when We die?
    I don’t know.

    If we came from monkeys, then why do we see monkeys not drive cars, talk, go to church, paint, or do other activities humans do?
    Monkeys – especially apes – do communicate with each other through vocalization. Although there is no language to the sounds, it is a very similar concept. There are quite a few instances of gorillas and chimpanzees being taught to paint as well. As for driving, this is something that could probably be taught as well, I just don’t think anyone has ever seen a need to do it. And as for church, I’ll leave it to you to bring religion to the monkeys.

    Can you explain why the banana fits on the palm of the hand?
    Looking at a banana tree, you will see that the formation of the bananas is done in such a way that they do not have an effect on sunlight reaching the leaves. I think this has much more to do with the way the hand evolved than the banana. Also, you must have very large hands. I can only fit about half a banana on the palm of mine.

    How can evolution work if you believe there is no purpose?
    Evolution works because it does not need human belief to function. It is a natural process, only the species who are most adapted to their surrounding survive and, as environments change so too must the traits that decide survivability. Also, I reject the notion that atheists do not believe in purpose. Divine purpose, yes, but purpose altogether, absolutely not.

    If evolution is true, then why do black men make better basketball players than white men? And why can’t white men ever keep up with black men in basketball as Darwin would have predicted? After all, white men can’t jump!
    This is more of a socio-economic question than an evolutionary one. If you look at the distribution of basketball courts in cities across the USA, you will find the majority of them in lower-income neighborhoods which, for decades, have been mostly inhabited by minority races. You won’t find to many black men from Westchester County in the NBA, though.

    Why can’t Stephen Hawking give a complete answer to how the universe came out of nothing if he still believe the universe came out of nothing?
    I think you would have to ask him yourself. I personally do not believe that this is how the universe was formed, so I’m unable to provide an answer for someone who does.

  11. Paul Wiklund says:

    Regarding your piltdown man, and evolution and everything else, have you seen this?

    http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/04/12/us-safrica-fossils-idUSBRE93B0XG20130412

  12. Ooh! Can I play??

    Why do you compare Jesus to Santa when you understand that Jesus was a real person? – wait, are you telling me Santa isn’t real?

    Have you heard of the Shroud of Turin? – Yep. Have you heard of Dippin’ Dots? Tomorrow’s ice cream … today!!

    If evolution is real, why can’t I evolve wings if I want to? – Because you HAVEN’T BEEN CLAPPING HARD ENOUGH. Jesus, haven’t you seen Peter Pan? Or the Dark Crystal? Maybe it’s because you’re a boy.

    Do you know of the Piltdown Man hoax that disproves evolution? – It’s funny you mention the Piltdown man. He was found carrying a tract from Jack Chick, which explains the furrowed, sloped brow and dragging knuckles. Scientists were confused at first because they didn’t realize he started off as a normal modern human. This is what fundamentalism will do to you. Or reality television.

    Why do we see no superior race in people since Darwin’s racist views on evolution were about preserving favored races? – Something tells me you haven’t seen the X-men movies yet … they’re documentaries, you know.

    If evolution is true, then have you seen the scrap in a junkyard all of a sudden transform into a plane? – Of course I have! You haven’t seen the Transformers movies yet either?! Come on, how are you ever going to learn anything?

    Why would you want to take part in charities, help the homeless, or do other good things if you are an atheist? – ‘Cause God sure as hell hasn’t done anything about it!

    How did the eye form? – Poorly. Seriously, a blind spot because of a badly located optic nerve, only three color receptors (butterfly shrimp get something like fifteen!), and they only come in two – maybe three – boring colors. Cheap.

    How did the Grand Canyon form? – Few people will tell you this, but it was one of Teddy Roosevelt’s public works projects. After spending a lot of time setting up the National Parks, he thought it would be a good idea to improve tourism in the Southwest. With nothing more than a pickaxe, shovel, and a couple of sandwiches, he set out to create something future generations would gaze upon with wonder. Took him about a week and a half. And here we thought it took millions of years.

    What happens when We die? – If I’m good, I’ll spend it in a beautiful villa in the French Riviera with Christy Turlington feeding e grapes. If I’m bad, I’ll end up sharing a hotel room with Jack Chick, Thomas Kinkaide, and a broken television.

    If we came from monkeys, then why do we see monkeys not drive cars, talk, go to church, paint, or do other activities humans do? – They used to, but there was too much poop flinging. Humans are far more civilized – we just murder one another over our differences.

    Can you explain why the banana fits on the palm of the hand? – I always wondered why coconuts made perfect bra cups. And they’re adjustable; if it’s too small, just eat a little more of the meat inside and presto! Custom fit!

    How can evolution work if you believe there is no purpose? – There are plenty of purposes. They evolved right alongside dolphins. Jeez, read a book.

    If evolution is true, then why do black men make better basketball players than white men? And why can’t white men ever keep up with black men in basketball as Darwin would have predicted? After all, white men can’t jump! – We also can’t dance. You should see me at weddings. The best I can manage is the “ankle grab” and “the sprinkler”. Sad thing is, I’ll do this stuff while sober. At least other people can blame alcohol.

    Why can’t Stephen Hawking give a complete answer to how the universe came out of nothing if he still believe the universe came out of nothing? – Because it’s a long answer, and he’s probably still busy typing it out.

  13. Ben Bradford says:

    Darwin wasn’t a racist. In fact, he hated Social Darwinism. He believed humanity was one equal race. It was racists who took his ideas and applied them to humanity in ways Darwin never intended. So it wasn’t science that led to Social Darwinism, it was pre-existing racism. Also, what evidence do you have against evolution?

  14. you believe you’re not going to hell for mocking God.

  15. SpaceGhoti says:

    I think if a god exists, it has more than earned our mockery.

  16. Better get clapping or you’ll find more Italian bread on your lawn.

  17. Martin Baker says:

    You better start asking God for forgiveness before it’s too late!

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